dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
