So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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