ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
