my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
