Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
