I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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