There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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