Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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