So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
