Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
