cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
