I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
