Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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