Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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