i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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