No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
