what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
