I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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