are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
