i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
