I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
