im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
