Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
