it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
