We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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