i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
