You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
