they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
