Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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