It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
