that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
