Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am never drinking with the goths again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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