some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
