Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
