I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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