If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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