Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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