some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
