Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
