how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
