She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
