We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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