I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Randomize
