According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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