Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
