Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
