oh god the rape fog is back!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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