it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
