You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
