how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
