Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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