i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
